Fear is a huge subject and I am pretty sure nearly everybody on this planet at one stage or another suffers from it.
It’s a natural response to a situation either unknown or experienced. A survival instinct. However, in modern society it’s one of the biggest stumbling blocks for most people when they want to improve their lives. Take for example a bad marriage that stops you having a better relationship after it ends or even pursuing another relationship. Here, I am only going to touch on recognising fear makers and fear breakers.
What is a fear maker?
A fear maker (or fear monger) is an individual that has generally developed or taken on others fears, from the time of their birth and generally continuing throughout their life. A whole belief system is created around a fear/s even if they have never experienced something, they will continue to believe it and convince others. Religion I am sad to say, has been one of the biggest fear makers.
Truth is we have all been fear makers at one time or another. We take on our parents fears from an early age, we then encounter others with similar fears and it continues.
Unfortunately, fears usually grow out of proportion especially with the continual absorption and reiteration from others – this is when thoughts to manifestation occurs. Law of attraction doesn’t just work for positive thoughts, it also works for the negative, and fear is most definitely a negative!
You then have two ways you can go, to continue fear propagation/manifestation, or turn towards positive creation and becoming a fear breaker.
What’s a Fear Breaker?
A fear breaker is the person who take their fears, faces them the best they can and comes out the other side. Whether with a good experience or not so good, the end result is usually positive. Anita Moorjani author of “Dying To Be Me”, is a good example of fear breaker.
Fear Breakers usually go on to help others, whether consciously or just by being more confident, dispelling or at the very least, helping others to deal with their own fears, allowing them to become less fearful individuals. Susan Jeffer’s, wrote one of the best books in my opinion, “Feel the fear, and do it anyway”. Which, I certainly recommend reading.
Here’s a personal example of a situation involving the two:
I met my husband (now ex) online, he lived in South Africa. We communicated for less than a month before I flew out there and met him. I flew out not even knowing where he lived. He wouldn’t tell me – as he feared I might be drug trafficking! Fair enough??
About 6 months later I found out as to why he was so fearful (by this time he was with me in the UK), he was an ex-drug addict on licence from Rehab! Well, it came as a shock but I didn’t judge him for it – we all go down paths that are not good, especially with traumatic childhoods, which I was familiar with as was he.
So, when I arrived the first time, he did meet me at the airport (thank goodness) but no sooner as I had left the airport, he instilled total fear of what black South Africans were like – according to him, thieves and rogues wanting to rape and murder you at every given opportunity. His mother was even worse! Yet neither of them had been personally affected by such. Upon my second or third visit, I did fall prey for a few hours to the fearful talk and was terrified to even get out the car! Nothing happened!
Now, I am not saying that there haven’t been some terrible things going on in South Africa (where hasn’t it in the world?). I do know a South African lady here, who’s husband was murdered, shot and taken from his family. Heartbreaking!
I could take this ladies personal experience on, and continue to be fearful upon any return. Yet it hasn’t, because in the 3 months in total I spent in South Africa, I never experienced anything untoward…well maybe a bit of aggression from the Baboons, in the form of nicking my drink on the beach!
“What You Fear You Draw Near”
In fact, everyone I came across were very nice, polite and respectful. I love the people and the country and would gladly return. Why? Because I have a belief that fear is the cause of most ills in this world, health-wise as well as socially. Plus, as I didn’t think in that way, I believe I didn’t draw it to me. So when you focus on such, it comes to you as if to prove your fear right. This applies in all areas of life.
Now you might be saying that I was pretty fearless to go to South Africa based on trust alone! This is the thing with fears, we only push through fears if the benefit on the other side out weighs the fear. In my case, it was meeting the love of my life. I was pretty nervous and very excited, I had never done anything as wacky as that before…have since though, but it was a life or death situation!
Being a Fear Breaker
I now consider myself a fear breaker, I haven’t always been like this though, and I come back to the fear maker who instilled many fears in me, my mother. She lived her whole life in a fearful state, she had her reasons bless her and lived in a time which augmented those fears, but she had no one to teach her how to get passed them. So absorbing all of hers as a child and developing quite a few of my own and not knowing any better, I didn’t challenge them…until the benefit out weighed the fear.
We live in a time where it’s easy for fears to be broken and here’s a few tips from my own experience.
- Make a mental note – Who are the fear makers in your life.
- Be Prepared – You may find once you have identified a fear maker, you will be less inclined to have them in your life.
- Find reinforcement – If you have a desire to do something or go somewhere, or whatever it is. Find someone who will reinforce your desire.
- Be respectful – If no one else is available, listen to your fear maker and see if they have a balanced reason i.e. not based on their fears.
- Research – Find out as much as possible before making your decision from others or informational sources.
- Feeling Torn – If your undecided about something, try looking to where that originated. Is it yours?
- Gut Feelings – If you’re feeling fearful don’t try to push passed it, that’s your intuition. Your gut usually tells you – feel if the end result would be more beneficial than the fear.
- Don’t discourage another – Don’t spread your own fears, or someone else’s, or hearsay to others. Yes, offer caution based on your own experience if asked, but back it up with some positive reinforcing. Another experience could well be different from yours, and they might lose out on an experience based on your fears or information that is not true.
- Take stock – Look at what you have accomplished already, you may not realise it. We get over fears everyday. Reinforcing yourself will help you see that you can achieve anything.
- Turn it around – find a way of making a fear dissipate or at least less uncomfortable.
Original Blog written by Loren Goldenberg-Kosbab, May 2008 for the then Spirit Mind Body UK Network.
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