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Fire In The Hold!

Wednesday, 05 February 2014 23:22

Written by Loren

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A few weeks ago was a special anniversary, yet, I had totally forgotten it - 24th January 2013, maybe there was a part of me that didn’t want to remember it.

Upon realising - as this date was one I hadn’t wanted to forget, I felt rather saddened and ashamed of mysSmoke Alarms Saves Lives by Loren Goldenberg-Kosbabelf that I had almost let it slip by. This day was the anniversary of someone getting the chance to continue living, a second chance, and how I was the one person who made that possible.

I saved a life!

Yet, I still felt incredibly uncomfortable and difficult to accept any praise, or see myself as a heroine or in anyway, brave. That’s other people right?

My original intention in relating this personal story was to highlight how in our lives  “Law of Attraction” and “Paying it forward” works. It’s not just some new fad that people have dreamed up, it’s been working all along.

Whilst writing this I discovered a fundamental battle going on within myself, a belief and a craving that became a huge block - not only to my personal life but my business life also. 

So, going back to that day just over a year ago.
I had not long moved into my new flat, the perfect flat for me really. Although the circumstances of which I had to take it was very pressurised. Take this or nothing. At the time I felt like I had been offered a shoebox; but it was better than imposing any longer on family, as wonderful as they were and are, I needed to start a fresh - plus it had a garden! Yes, the simple things do please me, and my sense of gratitude out weighed any feelings of disappointment.

This particular night after a long afternoon sleep, sleepy eyed and brain not really in gear, I decided to look for a much need washing machine. I was down to the last few hand washed clothes. It was costing a fortune to go to the laundry place or up to my sisters to do it. I just couldn’t afford a new one.

I found one almost instantly on eBay that would be perfect and it was close to finishing! I had set myself a target and asked the Angels to please let me have this washing machine as it was in my range – hopefully it would stay there. I sat poised to bid at the very last second, concentrating so hard, heart racing and click, I pressed that button with every hope that I hadn’t been out bid - as I had so many times before.

To my surprise, I won! I was so happy, thanking the Angels and tearing up with absolute joy and utter relief, because not only had I won it, I had won it for £13! A washer dryer at that - I would be independent again!

The sitting and concentrating however had made me very achy and in discomfort so I had decided to take some painkillers, something I don’t normally do as it sets off my very sensitive stomach, but it was dampening my happy mood. I am glad I did, for what came moments later allowed me to jump into action. I can only liken it to a tortoise on speed!

I had not long sat back down, when the silence was tainted by a muffled alarm, it was smoke detector going Fire caused by candles off and far longer than it should have - then I heard a voice in distress.  I was not prepared for what happened next - or maybe I was!My elderly and disabled neighbour Annie, whom I never laid eyes on before that day had accidentally set her flat on fire and was now completely trapped. Thankfully, the combination of rest, painkillers, adrenaline and with dogged determination of the thought of someone in trouble, allowed me to physically break open the door and pull her out from a fire-engulfed room. 

I am happy to say, she is alive and well. I am humbled by the events that took place that night. I was in awe of the firemen the way they tackled that raging fire and dealt with the lady, carrying her up to the flat above me to get medical attention, but also surprised that they were in awe of me? Huh?

Hemel White Watch 24th January 2013

I won’t lengthen this already long story with the details but you can read it hear “The Real Dangers of Candles”, a piece I wrote for the council as they wanted me to write about my experience of what happened for their tenants paper in the hope it would encourage others to take better safety precautions.

Few lines back up, I said I wasn’t prepared for what happened, I certainly didn’t know what was going to happen that night but thing is, this wasn’t the first time.

For a couple of weeks prior to that night, I had been working on an article for Squidoo, and might I say very unsuccessfully. I had heard that this site really helps to raise your own sites and you can earn money too. However, I didn’t know that using content I had written from my own site verbatim not only penalised your site but the other site as well. As a result my lens on Squidoo was locked with a big notice saying I would have to change the content because it was not original. What do you mean it’s not original! It’s all mine! Turns out, whilst trying to figure out what part they didn’t like, as they don’t tell you, I also found my content on other sites too, not even relating to what it was intended, nor any reference to me as the author!  How dare they use my work and not even recognise me. I was outraged!

Frustrated though by this a sense that all of this was happening for a reason - I will figure out a topic that would marry up with my Pay it forward & Law of Attraction article.

What kept coming to mind was a day back when I was younger. On this particular day on my way to work, I notice plumes of smoke coming from a window of a house I am about to pass. As I got nearer I could see the window was very blackened. I immediately alerted the occupants, by bashing on the door and yelling fire as loud as I could then ran to the next house, feverishly banging on the neighbours door until it opened and asking to use the phone to call the fire brigade. Once the Emergency services arrived, I gave them the details of what I first witnessed and off I went to work, as I was now late.

The house was a collection of bed-sits. There was a couple with a baby of about the same age as my son, a blind man and few other people. The blind man was the person who started the fire, he had dropped a cigarette after falling asleep on the bed. It was a nasty fire, but everybody got out and nobody was injured - just a bit of smoke inhalation. Unfortunately, they were now homeless. Hmmm, I can relate to that I thought, how funny it should come to mind now.

My parents, whom I lived with at the time, owned a hotel. It was a very bad time for everyone, so I was absolutely astonished when I returned home from work to find my parents running around frantically preparing for guests - turns out the guests were the people from the fire! The council was re homing them with us! There is no way that could be by chance with all the hotels and guest houses in our road, let alone the whole town of Cliftonville, a seaside holiday resort on the coast of Kent. 

What a prime example of paying it forward!
Whilst I was recalling this day, I also had a sense of my feelings too at the time. A feeling of joy that I was there just at the right time to help all those people - and that is how I have always looked at it consciously. Lurking beneath though was a feeling of being unrecognised for my part in helping them.  I don’t recall a word of praise from my parents, but then that was normal. So life went on…

A week before this last fire, I kept feeling that something was going to happen. I didn’t know what at the time, just a foreboding expectation which I tried to dismiss. I feel now that I was being warned, prepared even.

Was this all orchestrated? Had all these feelings and synchronicities put me in the right position at the right time to repeat an act?

I was now a Heroine! Brave, courageous, and people wanted to say so, both personally on the street and by nominating me for awards, radio interviews and putting me in the local paper

I finally got the recognition!
You’d think I would be happy wouldn’t you? I wasn’t! It was very overwhelming and came with a mixed bag of emotions - I just wanted to hide, I felt very embarrassed - all those things weren’t me! I toiled over the what if’s, and have fought against the suggestion that I was meant to be home that night, bidding on a washing machine, instead of out looking for reduced food, which is what I would have normally done at that time.

As a result this last year since, I have been given a real insight into my unconscious belief system and believe I have attracted circumstances to experience that particular desire or feeling over and over again, not only in my personal life but business too.

An Irony
There has been only one time that I have been in the newspaper before in my life, and that was announcing my unusual birth. I was born in a car, a Morris Minor 1000 to be exact.

You’d think a person putting his or her own life at risk and physically rescuing someone would come out on first page right? Well when it came out, it was on page 5 - On front page was the story of a baby that had been born in a car!  No lies. I really found the funny side of that one!
Hemel Hempstead Fire Chief giving me an awardHemel White Watch Fire OfficersAfter a few weeks I did eventually get to front page after the Fire Service had awarded me a certificate of bravery. It was lovely, all the firemen were there from that night, police chief, council and press, and most importantly, my dearest friends were there to share it with me. I felt truly honoured that they went out of their way to show their appreciation.

Attraction in Action
I soon began to notice other synchronicities, this all happened at the right time! The council had been campaigning for clearing walkways in their flats and retirement complexes – what a stroke of luck! I now was a willing spokes person (even though exceptionally nervous about that part) to back up their arguments and appeared it might provide me with a route to a new career - I did one visit and it went really well, even got a round of applause and the feedback was a success, but that was as far as it went.

When you’re almost there but not quite.
Life went back to normal pretty soon afterwards, I had my 15 mins of fame. Then in September I was contacted and told I had been nominated for Pride in Dacorum Award, which was a surprise indeed. It was a big night with lots of nominees and a celebrity giving the awards. My friends and others on the table all felt that my good deed out weighed the other nominates in my category and sure I would get the main award. It kind of built me up for a fall. pride of dacorum awards

My name was called first meaning I hadn’t got the award; I had gained a Highly Commended certificate for being the person “who rescued a neighbour from a blazing flat“. The winner was a six-year-old boy, who had called his dad when he found his mother had become unconscious and was awarded for his “calm response to a serious family emergency”. Was that a greater act? I was internally devastated and I felt no end of shame because I didn’t match up to a six year old! I just wanted to run and hide. I felt totally inadequate for weeks afterwards.

Then it happened again with the Council now nominating me for the Council Tenant of the year - by this stage I knew I was filling an agenda. I received a nominee certificate and a box of Heroes chocolates. Dacorum Tenant of the year

Now, it may sound that I am ungrateful, jealous, resentful, disappointed, angry to name a few and at the time I did feel some of these emotions over the past year, I am human after all. However, that made it even worse because I was experiencing something I hadn't before and it was not quite ticking the boxes of expectation. This is where I gained something more valuable than recognition from others.

It is lovely having praise, and positive feedback and attention, it does boost your confidence. Moreover, I gained the realisation that the only recognition that counts and abates the craving is the recognition you give yourself.  Knowing you did a good deed to the best of your ability that cannot compare or be graded with other good deeds, because they are all good deeds.

Too often we look to others to make us feel worthy, and when it doesn't match up with our expectation we become disappointed, disillusioned even and we stop the flow. As I did.

How you look at yourself is what is important. I am not talking about being egotistical here and bragging about yourself (even if all that I have written might be deemed that way that is not the intention), I am talking about seeing yourself through your own eyes, not other peoples eyes and recognising yourself, seeing your wonderful abilities, your special traits, accepting yourself for who you are good and bad but most importantly loving yourself.

Once you reach that you will have a sense that no matter what another person says or doesn’t say, you are still good enough. You don’t need another to tell you so, you won’t feel resentment if they don’t; or if others do, you will accept what they say without feeling embarrassed or pushing away their gift of recognition. 

“The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.” - Thomas S. Monson

So, I finally accepted what the lovely young fireman said to me that night, “You did a brave thing tonight, you saved someone who was going to die, she had no way out, not many people would do that.” My response had been “I only did what anyone would have done under the same circumstances.” He shook his head and with a solemn face, said, “No trust me they wouldn’t.”

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0 #2 Rose Hathaway Jacket 2017-04-25 06:53
I am looking at seeing yourself through your own eyes, not different people groups eyes and perceiving yourself, seeing your great capacities, your exceptional attributes, tolerating yourself for your identity great and terrible however above all cherishing yourself.
0 #1 2017-01-10 10:47
Oh wow very nice! i mean its amazing! how much time did you take to write this article? this is too good! i am impressed

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