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Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results - It's insanity!

Thursday, 17 May 2012 11:33

Written by Loren Goldenberg-Kosbab

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The damnedest thing happened this morning. I awoke form a very disturbed sleep with remnants of conversations I had with myself the day before about what I wanted in life. Feeling very out of it, like my spirit had not completely returned, I proceeded to do what I normally do, bung the kettle on, tell the cats they have to wait until for their food until I can actually see their bowls, plopped in front of the lappy, whichinsanity is doing something over and over and getting the same results now was whirring into action.

As I sat there trying to get my wits about me, waiting for my mail to download, I notice a new member had signed up. That's nice I thought, then I saw a blog had been posted. I don't normally check until later to see what has been posted but for some reason, I did this time and saw it was a spammer. Crap! I can remove the blog from a link without having to log in, so I did that and thought I will go in later to remove the account.

As I was making my tea, vague fleeting images returned, invading my consciousness. They were of my site after it got hacked a few years back. The anger, the disappointment, the work involved to rebuild and make it safe, the responsibility I felt for the members who used it, the panic and the waste of time and energy, the failure. A plethora of emotions circling like buzzards in my mind. How would I deal with it now is what I had asked myself? I batted between thoughts, would I continue in the same way or scale it down, perhaps, or just give up totally? My life has changed but my mind was not made up.albert einstein

Albert Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result..."

How odd that should come back to me now. My attention now primed with these thoughts, I thought whilst sipping my tea, better get this over and done with now, remove the spammer and proceeded to go to the url address of the admin panel. What came up before my eyes made my heart sink. Double crap! Some kind of warning from my server saying couldn't find login page. Immediately my thoughts were "they finally managed it!". I have been hacked again! With all the security in place, it hadn't stopped them... My first thought was that's it! I have had enough!

But what do I do, I go into auto mode, trying to figure out what has happened, meanwhile in the background is my brain saying. "Ah ha, I told you so, what you gonna do now?" I don't give in easily even when fear sits there trying to prove to me that it's right. Thankfully, I can log into my server, and so I proceed to do the obvious code checks. Can't find anything obvious in the logs. Then as if by magic a thought comes into my head and I log into the database. I check a file which enables and disables various suspect IP addresses. Mines still on the white list. Hmmm, I go and check my IP address of my lappy again only to find it's changed! Not knowing if this is the cause, but suspecting it is, I add it to my database, refresh my admin page and voila! I am back.

I hadn't been hacked at all! My security was so good it locked me out! A smile came over my face as to the realization, just how good my ability was to problem solve, I really didn't give myself much credit for all that I have achieved...which brought me back to the quote.

If I fear so much something happening to the site and ready to give up in an instant, was it really worth me having that hanging over my head, every day? I know it's secure, it's safe as much as it can ever be. No site is safe 100% as every day some new hacker gets bored and figures out how to take you down.

What I was wrestling with was whether I wanted to continue or not, feeling obligated to continue and unable to let go. Do I have to wait until such time that something "potentially" could go wrong in order to make that decision? No! Why wait...I solved my problem, I don't want to continue anymore and it's insanity holding on expecting a different result!

And as if to confirm my decision, whilst outside contemplating and absorbing a bit of sunshine, a little flat stone which has been sitting on my bench arm for weeks, that I have no idea how it got there but I have twiddled with it whilst thinking many times, suddenly took on a shape I recognized. It was the shape of Africa. The hairs on my neck rose, I have had this before!africa

For the longest time I have wanted to go back to Africa and volunteer. Helping those less fortunate to build a better life. I have many skills and experience in diverse areas, and I am sure I can contribute something useful however I don't have the finances to become a volunteer. In seeing the stone, it was the second stone in the shape of Africa I had received out of thin air, the first I made into a magnet, that came to me 4 years ago when I was in exactly the same position as I am now, on the verge of forced change, what better time? Then a thought came to me. My financial assets are my site/s. Maybe in some way I can auction off my sites to help raise the funds to do the volunteering? It's for a good cause!!!

So the moral of my tale is if there is something you want to do in life and you feel a great pull towards it but push it aside, although it will return again, how much older will you be and at what cost, especially if something dramatic happens forcing you to give up totally. Listen to your intuition and the signs that are presented and grab them!!!


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