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Are Women losing their communicating skills?

Friday, 10 June 2011 23:44

Written by Loren Goldenberg-Kosbab

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It’s a scientific fact that women are the better communicators of the species, but increasingly I have noticed friendcommunications having a hard time communicating not only with their partners, but also within their friendships with other females too.

You could be lulled into the thinking that communicating effectively should these days be easier, with all the technology, books, CD’s and internet resources on the subject.

However, being able to convey a message to another takes skill, and generally learnt in our childhood from our parents and peers; books only give you the theory behind it, putting it into practice is another ball game altogether, and one that is slowly diminishing in our culture with the on set of technical advances and virtual meetings.

Communication comes in many forms, physical, non-physical, written, visual or audio and is a very important part of life. Certainly it was essential back in caveman times for women, for whilst the men were off hunting, the woman had to protect the offspring and ensure thatcommunication with children they didn’t eat a poisonous berry that could potentially kill. So they learnt to pass on vital information, teaching skills of survival and ensuring the continuation of their kind.  This is not to say that the males didn’t, but lets face it, men still come home and “ug”.

When women come together they talk about everything that has happened to them, this is how they learn to deal with certain situations. This is also how they learn essential skills to cope with family life and teach their offspring when the time comes.  Men may make jokes about our incessant talking and gathering like conspirators but it’s a vital function that is likely to have a detrimental impact on our future generations if we do not seek to improve it now.

With women having no choice but to work in order to provide for the families and a decent future for themselves, they often work in demanding jobs which require them to communicate in a different way, normally non-personal, non emotional and a non-boundary stepping way, very male and although it has it’s benefits, it also filters down into home life.  Coupled with exhaustion of running a family and working, there is often little time to socialise with other women and practice our innate communications skills.women_men_differences

Just how differently do women and men communicate?

Quite different, women generally communicate in a close and intimate way, conversation creates a feeling of closeness. Where as for a man, conversation is usually a way of negotiating his status and used to preserve his independence. There are of course men out there who are also experiencing this role reversal in communication too, whether due to nature or nurture.

A problem area that certainly has been highlighted, is that women who haven’t had a good female role model in their life as children find it hard to communicate emotionally. They are great with strangers often excelling in their field of expertise, but it comes with a price.  In their private life they often suffer with beating around the bush syndrome, guilt, confusion, lack of confidence and fear of confrontation and loss.

Therefore, issues often are left to slide - until the next time that is. Emotional turmoil of not communicating initially, will end up in avoidance tactics, total disconnection or like lava pouring out of a volcano, which will not stop, it’s hot and toxic stuff which will kill anything in it’s path.  No more relationship - so they have arrived where they didn’t want to be in the first place with bitterness, cynicism and blame as their new companion.

So, what’s the answer?

As a mother and a teacher to my son and others who have come to me over time for advice, I would say, we need to adopt a different approach to how we communicate that will fit in with our changing world. Primarily, this will be to integrate the positive aspects of both genders thus creating a balance for our future generations.

Our part in creating this balance

With a sense of responsibility for our children, we can actively do this now by learning, implementing, and passing on our developing communications skills. If you find it hard to communicate and you want to improve on your skills here’s a tip:

Re-member with someone of your own gender (that applies to guys too).

Socialise more with female friends, visit or call your mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, when you have a problem or you need advice. Ask questions! communicate with other femalesA woman loves to pass on her knowledge and experiences. Listen to their answers how they have dealt with things. They are your teachers, you don’t have to agree with everything but usually there is wisdom from experience, and nuggets of information that can be improved or expanded upon.

As one of those women I described above, my next article “Are you Communicating Effectively?” is based on my own experiences over the years, the advice I have gained, and successfully passed on during conversations, that have helped other women to recognise their own problem areas of communication.


Loren Goldenberg-Kosbab is a creator, communicator and fellow adventurer on this journey called life.  Alternative Health practitioner and Holistic Web designer by profession she owns and runs Spirit Mind Body UK website. Conceived and built at a cross roads in her life with the desire to connect with like minded souls; learn from them and pass knowledge on from her life experiences. At another cross roads now, Loren has embarked on a new adventure, her realised life purpose…writing.

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